Blog
Are You Microrejecting Your Partner?
If you’ve been around for a bit, you’re probably familiar with rituals of connection. These are small, positive interactions you have with your partner on a consistent basis. They build the foundation for good feelings, offering benefit of the doubt, and seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses.
Rituals of connection are powerful.
But, if microrejections are happening, their effectiveness is going to be reduced. The deposits they’re making in the emotional bank account are going to be chipped away.
Microrejections are tiny moments of turning away from one another.
Let's talk about what DOESN'T work
Let’s talk about what doesn’t work.
I’m sure you have already tried everything to feel closer to your partner again.
You’ve tried asking your partner why they don’t want to spend time with you, but they say, “I do,” and nothing ever changes.
You’ve tried waiting for them to make the first move and invite you to watch a show together or join you for a cup of coffee in the morning, but they don’t.
You act angry and withdrawn to show your partner that something is clearly bothering you. You hope they’ll realize and take some action, but nothing happens.
Feel Closer to Your Partner in 7 Days
My Feel Closer to Your Partner in 7 Days Coaching Program begins on Monday!
I’m excited to take another group of couples through this powerful transformation.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
The three areas of your relationship you MUST focus on if you’re going to feel connected
My top 17 suggestions for joint activities that strengthen those areas (don’t worry, you’re only choosing ONE)
A simple daily practice for shifting how you think and feel about your partner immediately
My 20 minute exercise for feeling deeply connected to and supported by your partner every day
The three things you’re doing in conversation that lead to emotional disconnection
4 things you can do to show up for your partner and relationship, even when you don’t feel like it
The exact habits you and your partner need to create to feel more appreciated
So, You Don't Spend Enough Quality Time Together
This topic is probably primed for philosophical debate.
But, I’d argue it til the end.
Perception is everything in relationships.
Everything.
Not, most things.
Not, really important.
Everything.
Couples get stuck in cycles of conflict and poor communication when they expect to, regardless of what each partners’ intentions are.
If you expect your partner to be invalidating, you will see them as invalidating. If you expect your partner to get angry when you bring up a concern, you will see them as angry.
Seeing your partner (and being seen by them) through a positive lens is powerful.
It’s Time to Feel More Loved
Now that you have a deeper understanding of the emotional bank account and how a low balance may be playing out in your relationship, you can do something to change it.
To make change happen, you’ve got to be willing to do things differently. This means communicating differently, reacting to one another differently, and managing your emotions differently. You’ve got to be open to feedback about the ways each of you contribute to the negative cycle as it currently stands. It may feel uncomfortable or even awkward when you first start this process, but that feeling is temporary.