It’s Time to Feel More Loved

Feel More Loved

Mar 6

Now that you have a deeper understanding of the emotional bank account and how a low balance may be playing out in your relationship, you can do something to change it.

To make change happen, you’ve got to b e willing to do things differently. This means communicating differently, reacting to one another differently, and managing your emotions differently. You’ve got to be open to feedback about the ways each of you contribute to the negative cycle as it currently stands. It may feel uncomfortable or even awkward when you first start this process, but that feeling is temporary.

How do we break these negative cycles?

We start with rituals of connection. These are small, positive interactions that happen consistently between two partners. They are routines you look forward to each day, like having your morning coffee together, taking a walk around the neighborhood after dinner, or watching your favorite TV show together.

We’ve got to get back to prioritizing (and allowing) these moments.

While it only takes one person doing something differently to change a dynamic, the process is more powerful when both partners are committed. Share these last few blog posts with your partner to start a dialogue about the state of your relationship. Express your desire for things to feel better between you and that you’re ready to do the work to make that happen. See if they’re ready to do the same.

If you’re both on board, you can work together to make a plan for integrating rituals of connection into your relationship consistently. You can give yourselves the opportunity to see one another more positively and focus on things that are going right. It’s much easier to move forward when you see your partner taking the step too.

How do we integrate rituals of connection into our relationship?

I take couples through this process in my FREE video training, Feel More Loved in One Hour a Week. This one hour training will walk you and your partner through:

>> The benefits of having consistent rituals of connection in your relationship

>> Identifying your most impactful activities across three crucial categories (friendship, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy)

>> Integrating rituals of connection into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines

>> Troubleshooting issues that may arise as you create these new habits

Get my FREE Video Training: Feel More Loved in One Hour a Week

emotional bank accountrituals of connection

Meredith Silversmith

Jun 26, 2020

Why Anger is Our Preferred Emotion

We have to know what we’re feeling before we can share it with our partner.

When I meet with couples and teach them the communication framework, it becomes apparent that labeling their feelings is something new.

They often jump to - “angry,” “frustrated,” or “fine.”

It can be hard to go deeper and tune in to the feelings that are simmering beneath the surface. These are the more vulnerable emotions that are uncomfortable to sit with, like lonely, unimportant, not thought of, not cared for, or judged. Many of us are skilled at jumping from discomfort to anger, where we can focus on something or someone outside of ourselves and project all our hurt there.

Jun 22, 2020

What Happens When I Yell at My Husband

Last weekend, I yelled at my husband.

It was one of those moments that was so incredibly small, but a few years ago would have gone nuclear.

We were unpacking the car and he went to open the trunk, but it wouldn’t open. I could hear the mechanism unlocking over and over again, but the trunk was stuck. Now, my husband has a tendency to break things. Which I suppose sounds critical, so let me say… I wish my husband would be a bit more gentle with things.

I was annoyed, got out of the car, and snapped at him.

“What did you do to it?!”

5 Ways to Communicate Better By Listening

You know what couples tend to be really bad at?

Listening.

Like, truly listening.

It’s one of the most powerful lessons we need to learn if we’re going to be in a safe, emotionally supportive relationship. It’s also a powerful lesson to learn as we work to dismantle systemic racism in the U.S.

Let’s talk about what being a better listener looks like:

You’re open-minded, not defensive. You are willing to listen with a blank slate in your mind. You have no preconceived notion of what the other person is going to say. You’re not becoming preemptively defensive and building a case for why your perspective is right, theirs is wrong, or picking apart each point they present as they speak. You’ve dropped fully into your role as a listener and feel no need to guard your own beliefs.

Jun 3, 2020

In Lieu of This Week’s Post

Out of respect for the untimely death of George Floyd and many others who have been victims of institutional racism, as well as those suffering from racially-motivated aggression and injustice, I will not be sharing any new content this week.

The atmosphere is heavy and emotions are running high. This is not the time to turn away from the feelings you are experiencing. I encourage my non-Black readers to use this time to reflect, learn, and support Black people in your community, as I am.

I want to use this platform to amplify the voices of Black thought leaders and share resources to deepen your understanding and provide clear actions you can take to help elevate Black people and People of Color in your community. Please see below for Instagram accounts, books, and podcasts to start with.

May 29, 2020

It's not about how it should be, it's about how it feels.

If there’s something happening in your relationship that doesn’t feel good, like:⠀
⠀
💔 You’re communicated with in a way that’s not comfortable.⠀
💔 The division of labor feels off.⠀
💔 You don’t have enough quality time together.⠀
💔 You don’t feel connected or close to one another.⠀
💔 You experience your partner yelling at you or using harsh tones.⠀
💔 You don’t feel heard or understood when you share your perspective.⠀
💔 You feel dismissed or rejected when you reach out.⠀
⠀
You don’t need to build a case for why your partner is wrong for doing these things.⠀
⠀
You feeling hurt by it is enough.

May 19, 2020

Are You Microrejecting Your Partner?

If you’ve been around for a bit, you’re probably familiar with rituals of connection. These are small, positive interactions you have with your partner on a consistent basis. They build the foundation for good feelings, offering benefit of the doubt, and seeing your partner through rose-colored glasses.

Rituals of connection are powerful.

But, if microrejections are happening, their effectiveness is going to be reduced. The deposits they’re making in the emotional bank account are going to be chipped away.

Microrejections are tiny moments of turning away from one another.

May 15, 2020

Let's talk about what DOESN'T work

Let’s talk about what doesn’t work.

I’m sure you have already tried everything to feel closer to your partner again.

You’ve tried asking your partner why they don’t want to spend time with you, but they say, “I do,” and nothing ever changes.

You’ve tried waiting for them to make the first move and invite you to watch a show together or join you for a cup of coffee in the morning, but they don’t.

You act angry and withdrawn to show your partner that something is clearly bothering you. You hope they’ll realize and take some action, but nothing happens.

May 14, 2020

Feel Closer to Your Partner in 7 Days

My Feel Closer to Your Partner in 7 Days Coaching Program begins on Monday!

I’m excited to take another group of couples through this powerful transformation.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

The three areas of your relationship you MUST focus on if you’re going to feel connected
My top 17 suggestions for joint activities that strengthen those areas (don’t worry, you’re only choosing ONE)
A simple daily practice for shifting how you think and feel about your partner immediately
My 20 minute exercise for feeling deeply connected to and supported by your partner every day
The three things you’re doing in conversation that lead to emotional disconnection
4 things you can do to show up for your partner and relationship, even when you don’t feel like it
The exact habits you and your partner need to create to feel more appreciated

May 13, 2020

So, You Don't Spend Enough Quality Time Together

This topic is probably primed for philosophical debate.

But, I’d argue it til the end.

Perception is everything in relationships.

Everything.

Not, most things.

Not, really important.

Couples get stuck in cycles of conflict and poor communication when they expect to, regardless of what each partners’ intentions are.

If you expect your partner to be invalidating, you will see them as invalidating. If you expect your partner to get angry when you bring up a concern, you will see them as angry.

Seeing your partner (and being seen by them) through a positive lens is powerful.

Apr 29, 2020

I Roll My Eyes When People Talk About “Self-Care”

I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations about self-care lately.

A lot of people are feeling like they don’t have time or it can’t be a priority right now because everything else feels more pressing.

Look, I roll my eyes when I hear “self-care.”

But, I also know if we do nothing to ground and care for our bodies and minds, they will eventually do it for us. We’ll get sick. We’ll get a migraine (hello, me last week). We’ll face exhaustion.

I know multiple people who tested negative for COVID-19, but had aligned symptoms - fatigue, headache, muscle weakness, shortness of breath.

Guess what?

It was unmanaged stress and anxiety.

If we don’t care for our bodies, they will create symptoms so we have to.

It’s Time to Feel More Loved

How do we break these negative cycles?

How do we integrate rituals of connection into our relationship?

7 Ways to Stay Sane and Even Have Fun During the Coronavirus Pandemic

How Friendship + Intimacy Break Down

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